Summary: A fairy tale set in Jazz Age-era New Orleans and centered on a young girl named Tiana and her fateful kiss with a frog prince who desperately wants to be human again. - Imdb.com
Length: 97 minutes
Rating: G
Date of Original Release: 2009
Directors: Ron Clements, John Musker
Writers: Ron Clements, John Musker, Greg Erb, Jason Oremland, Don Hall
Music: Randy Newman
Cast
TIANA – Anika Noni Rose
NAVEEN – Bruno Campos
DR. FACILIER – Keith david
LOUIS – Michael-Leon Wooley
CHARLOTTE – Jennifer Cody
RAY – Jim Cummings
LAWRENCE – Peter Bartlett
MAMA ODIE – Jenifer Lewis
EUDORA – Oprah Winfrey
JAMES – Terrence Howard
“BIG DADDY” LA BOUFF – John Goodman
Plot & Commentary
We open our story with a star. Someone is singing about it. Sink down to a street (complete with horse-drawn carriage and motorcar), huge house, and window; enter overwhelmingly pink bedroom. Someone is telling a story to a two tiny girls dressed as princesses—one white, one black (with dimples). “Here comes mah favorite part,” whispers the blonde. The story is “The Princess and the Frog,” which is play-within-a-play surreal. The storyteller is a black woman who is clearly enjoying herself. “‘She stooped down, picked up the slippery creature, and KISSED that little frog!’” Simultaneous AWWWWWs and UUUUGHs erupt from the audience. Charlotte, the tiny blonde, is thrilled. Tiana, the black child, is grossed out—I’m right there with you, sister. She swears she would never kiss a frog. Her friend’s priorities are immediately revealed: “I would do it! I would kiss a frog! I would kiss a hundred frogs if I could marry a prince and be a princess.” Love that Nawlins accent. The girls have a great time torturing tiny blonde’s cat.
“Evenin,’ Eudora!” Enter Charlotte’s father, a jovial ginger who is everything classic New Orleans wealth looks like and more. In one breath Charlotte shows off her new dress and asks for the gown the storybook princess is wearing. “Now, sugahplum—” He immediately gives in, asking Eudora, who is their seamstress, if she might be so kind, but informs his daughter that there will be no more Mr. Pushover— now who wants a puppy? …An exchange which leaves a slightly bad taste in my mouth. I am relieved, however, because I thought this was going to turn into a race & social class look-down-your nose issue really fast.
Tia and her mother take the trolley home. Wealthy mansions change to small wood houses. Tiana and her father make gumbo together. Tiana dumps tobasco into the pot before she pronounces it finished, and her father in turn pronounces it the best gumbo he’s ever had.
FATHER: Eudora, our little girl’s got a gift!
MOTHER: Mmm-hmm. I could have told you that.
FATHER: A gift this special just gotta be shared!
They open their home and gumbo pot to the neighborhood. Now I love gumbo as much as anyone, but you enjoy that without me, guys. I saw how much tobasco went in there. Guh.
Then it’s bedtime. Tiana’s in a cute little yellow shirt and she’s still wearing her princess crown. I like that the whole family is sitting together on the bed. Her dad says, “You know the thing about good food? It brings folks together from all walks of life. It warms them right up and then puts little smiles on their faces. And when I open my own restaurant, I tell you people are going to line up for miles around just to get a taste of my food!” OUR food, she corrects him, and he laughs. “That’s right, baby.” He writes ‘Tiana’s Place’ on the picture of their dream restaurant.
Tiana sees the star outside her window. Reportedly these things work wonders, she reveals. Her father, a treasure trove of proverbs, encourages her: “You wish and you dream with all your little heart. But you remember, Tiana, that that old star can only take you part of the way. You gotta help it along with some hard work of your own and then, yeah, you can do anything you set your mind to.” I like this guy.
Then we get the first ingredient of foreboding prophecy: “Just promise your daddy one thing. That you’ll never, ever lose sight of what’s really important.” She nods uncertainly. WONDER WHAT TIANA’S FATAL FLAW IS GOING TO TURN OUT TO BE. They tuck her in and kiss her goodnight, and once the door closes she’s out of bed like a shot. She hugs the restaurant picture and looks at the star. “Please please please!” I can’t help being concerned that this child is sleeping with her bedroom window wide open to the world. Suddenly she realizes there’s a frog sitting on her windowsill. She stares at it. There’s a pause. Then—it croaks. She SCREAMS and bolts out of the room.
Fast forward twelve or so years to the same room in daylight. An exhausted Tiana stumbles in, takes off her apron, and drops a measly few coins into a coffee jar. She has a drawer full of them. She takes out the photo of Tiana’s Place and kisses her dad’s picture, assuring him they’ll be there soon. I can’t figure out what war he’s died in, WWI? She falls into bed and immediately has to get up to go to her day job. Tiana, already a cutie, is now quite beautiful.
I know this isn’t news, but: Disney does their songs right. This is a New Orleans movie and we start right off with New Orleans jazz. I miss the times that I never lived in but might happily have when men carried large instruments and wandered around the streets singing and playing drums and those brass things with the long pipe, you know, where they slide it back and forth… whatever. Tiana doesn’t appreciate the atmosphere she lives in. She’s a waitress at Duke’s Cafe, where she makes everyone happy and immediately makes me want a plate of beignets, but they keep her busy, those patrons and employers.
Some creeper is doing black magic in the street and blows purple powder on a bald man, who then gains a full head of hair. Baldie is very impressed with himself until his entire body turns into a woolly mammoth. That’s why we don’t drink the kool-aid, kids. The creeper, who has a gap between his front teeth the size of Alaska (those types are always The Worst) watches Charlotte’s father drive up and buy a newspaper. His shadow, which has a life of its own, can move independently and hands his human self the coin the woolly mammoth just paid him, which apparently means something to the creeper because he growls. We get a good look at the newspaper’s front page—PRINCE ARRIVES TODAY!
Prince Naveen of Maldonia has a million-dollar smile and knows it. If I had to pick a comparable ethnicity, I’d say Persian. He poses for photos from the cruise liner he’s just arrived on. He immediately gets me to like him by ripping off his regal garb in exchange for a white button up and sweater vest, leaving his fat gorilla-esque assistant to carry all the luggage. Naveen has a handsome face and a mandolin, and all the young women of New Orleans can’t stop falling over themselves because of it. Somehow this man is all shades of brown from hat to shoes and he’s pulling it off. He sees the line of singing musicians from earlier and runs to them, leaving the Gorilla to slip on the discarded crown and fall on his face. At Mansion de Charlotte, the young lady herself joins her father in his car and squeals over the headlines. At Duke’s, Tiana is cleaning up the tables outside as the musicians make their rounds again. Naveen has joined them and he pauses to strum his mandolin at her. She’s not impressed. Unconcerned, he shrugs and runs off as Charlotte and Papa arrive in front of the cafe. From the opposite corner the creeper watches. The song about how great New Orleans is ends.
It’s Mardi Gras! Friends of Tiana’s invite her out dancing. No, she has two left feet. And she’s working a double shift to save money for her restaurant. Georgia, where did you get your purple hat? I wish I could pull off that look. Tiana goes back to the kitchen as they talk about how she’s no Yes Man. The chef makes fun of her for thinking she’ll ever be able to start her own restaurant. I was divided on this a moment ago—I very much understand how it feels to be the one who can’t or won’t participate in the fun everyone else is having, but she’s clearly overdoing it; now I want to scream YOU GO TIANA, WORK AND MAKE MONEY AND GET A RESTAURANT AND PROVE THEM ALL WRONG. Mr. La Bouff, which I’m happy to learn is the name of Charlotte’s father so that I no longer have to type Charlotte’s Father, enters the cafe. Tiana congratulates him on being made King of the Mardi Gras parade yet again. She serves him a plate of fresh beignets. He: “Well, keep ’em coming ‘til I pass out!” While some might view this as self-indulgence, I totally know where he’s coming from.
Having just guzzled five Red Bulls, Charlotte BURSTS into the cafe. Girlfriend is incapable of sitting still. I really like the implication that despite their distinct differences in situation, these people have retained their friendships for years and years. The La Bouffs are surprisingly colorblind for 1914 New Orleans. Or maybe they’re just loyal. Or maybe this was the actual lay of the land I don’t know anything about the city’s history.
CHARLOTTE: OH, TIA! Tia Tia Tia. Tell her! Oh, tell her, Big Daddy!
MR. LA BOUFF: Oh… Prince, Naveeeen—
CHARLOTTE: PRINCE. N’VEEN. Of Maldonia, is comin’ to Nawlins. AAAAAAHAHHHAAA!!!
Oh, isn’t he the bees knees?
That’s what she reminds me of. A hyperactive bumblebee.
CHARLOTTE: Oooh, tell her what ya did, Big Daddy! Te-e-e-ell her!!!
MR. LA BOUFF: Well, I—
CHARLOTTE: Big Daddy invited the prince to our masquerade ball tonight! OH!! Tell her
what else you did, Big Daddy. Hee. Go on.
MR. LA BOUFF: … And he’s staying—
CHARLOTTE: AND HE’S STAYING—
He shoves a beignet into her mouth like a cork.
MR. LA BOUFF: And he’s stayin’ in our house as my personal guest. Hooo.
I love these two. They are clearly very happy people. They walk around being pleased with life, and I think the money probably helps but there’s also the sense that they’re just naturally cheerful personalities. He’s a positive person, and she’s a positive person, and they just live inside this infectious Happy aura.
“Oh Lottie, that’s swell.” Tiana, you’re the bee’s knees. She clearly couldn’t care less, but she’s happy for her friend. Tiana reminds them that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. EUREKA! Charlotte wants five hundred ‘man-catching beignets’ for her party tonight. She grabs a wad of cash out of her father’s wallet and shoves it into Tiana’s hands. “Will this about cover it?” Tiana almost falls over. It’s give her enough to buy her restaurant. Lottie whirlwinds herself and her father out of the cafe. The creeper, sitting in the corner, watches them go. Bizarrely, he has blue eyes. Disney. Let’s take a refresher course on ethnicities and the basics of genetics. Creeper and his shadow smile at each other.
Tiana is in front of a decrepit building. She tells two businessmen that she’ll sign the paperwork tonight at Charlotte’s ball. Her mother arrives with a gift: “Here’s a little something to help you get started.” It’s Tia’s daddy’s gumbo pot. They enter the building. There are holes in the roof and birds occupying the rafters. Tiana flings out her arms ecstatically. “Just look at it, Mama! Doesn’t it just make you want to cry?” Eudora: “Yeeeees…” Tiana describes her vision for the transformation of the sugar mill. Eudora is proud of her, but wishes she wouldn’t work so hard. Tiana: “How can I let up now when I’m so close?” I connect with this—that feeling that the finish line is so close, so gainable, so soon-to-be-crossable that if you just push yourself a little harder you’ll finally have it. Like the final semester of college or paying off a huge loan. I’m right there with you again, girl! Or, I would be, but then she spits out this: “I gotta make sure all Daddy’s hard work means something.”
Eudora puts the pot down with a disapproving clank to nip this in the bud. “Tiana. Your dad may not have gotten the place he always wanted but he had something better. He had love. And that’s all I want for you, sweetheart.” Eudora’s not bad at proverbs herself. No wonder those two got married. I like her speech until this sentence: “To meet your prince charming and dance off into your happily ever after.” HOLD it. The meaning of life does not exist in finding a man!
Tiana starts singing “Almost There.” She doesn’t have time for dancing—she has a restaurant to build. I absolutely adore the art for this song. The picture of Tiana’s Place comes to life. The lyrics are very telling; someone was paying attention that night of the wish and the frog, but apparently some words fell on deaf ears: “Fairytales can come true; you gotta make them happen, it all depends on you.” No room in there for blessings, or coincidences, or the way life just comes along and messes with things. This is an interesting conundrum. Dreaming of a goal accomplished is very different from dreaming of, say, love acquired. Buying and building a restaurant is something achievable with hard work. You can’t work hard and save to find the love of your life; that’s more of a waiting game. Perhaps the point is making room for both.
“There’s been trial and tribulations. You know I’ve had my share… But I’ve climbed a mountain, I’ve crossed the river, and I’m almost there!” I like Tiana. Maybe she has her priorities a little out of order, but I think, were I her, I too would probably be standing right in her shoes and making her choices. Hate it when I realize that I’m about to learn the lesson Disney intends to teach its heroine.
They pack up and leave arm in arm. The door closes and a column falls over.
In the streets of downtown N’Orleans, the Gorilla is bumping into passerby as he searches for the prince. Naveen is having the time of his life, playing his mandolin with the street jazz band and dancing in the middle of a crowd. (TROMBONE! That’s what that thing from before is called.)
LAWRENCE: Sire! I’ve been looking for you everywhere!
NEVEEN: Oh, what a coincidence, Lawrence! I have been avoiding you everywhere!
Lawrence twitters about being late for the masquerade. Naveen is more interested in soaking up jazz music like a sponge. “Dance with me, fat man!” He whirls the Gorilla around announces to the crowd that drinks are on him. Gorilla: “With WHAT?” Looks like our charming prince is a little hard up and the next course of action is to marry money or get a job. All this talk of responsibility is exhausting to Naveen, who makes the Gorilla dance again and then flings him across the street at the musicians. Gorilla gets stuck in a tuba and crashes against a wall. Naveen loves it. “Is perfect! You finally got into the music. Do you get my joke? Because your head is… it’s in the tuba.” This gets a big laugh from me.
While Naveen is collapsed on the ground laughing, the creeper shows up. Next to the short, fat character and tall, skinny character, both of whom are quite ugly, Naveen’s value as a handsome, well-proportioned male lead shows itself. Creeper gives him a card and introduces himself as Dr. Facilier. “Tarot readings, charms, potions. Dreams made real.” Dreams: the shortcut vs. hard work. Ah, the Tiana/Naveen contrasts deepen. Naveen is impressed, but the Gorilla isn’t buying it. Creeper starts singing about his voodoo talents and his “friends on the other side.” He has the men choose three tarot cards. Naveen’s tell us that he comes “from across the sea and from two long lines of royalty; [his] lifestyle’s high but [his] funds are low—[he] needs to marry a little honey whose daddy got dough.”
His parents cut him off. Naveen, still unconcernedly taking life as it comes: “Eh, sad but true.” He needs to get married but it will tie him down; all he wants is to make his own kind of music and dance to the tune of his own bugle. Don’t we all. The tarot cards, sayeth the creeper, say he needs green to be free, and green is in his future. Naveen likes the sound of this.
Lawrence’s tarot cards reveal that he’s been pushed around his whole life, but in the future he will be the man he always wanted to be—in other words, like Naveen. An evil smile crosses his face. Dr. Facilier gets them to shake his hands and a creepy Day of the Dead segment starts. A huge mask opens its mouth. Facilier grabs the amulet that floats out of it and clips Naveen’s finger with it. Snakes wrap around the prince and he is transformed into…
The La Bouff’s party is a smash hit to everyone but Charlotte. She’s anxiously watching for the one obvious no-show. Tiana, in a drab medieval dress, is happily serving beignets to the guests. Lottie, wearing a pink extravaganza, rushes over.
CHARLOTTE: Give me them napkins, quick!
She crams them into her armpits.
TIANA: What on earth for?
CHARLOTTE: I swear, I’m sweating like a sinnah in church!
She drops to the ground in devastated tears. “It’s just not fair! My prince is never coming! I never get anything I wish for!” She decides that if she wishes harder she’ll get what she wants. “Please please please please please, PLEASE—” Tiana, who has been dying to impart her father’s wisdom for ages, says, “Lottie, you can’t just wish on a star and expect—” And is cut off as Prince Naveen’s arrival is announced. Tiana takes a closer look at the star. Charlotte’s descent down the stairs and subsequent waltz with the prince are priceless. Oh, favorite character by far.
Tiana watches in good humor, happy for her friend to once again get exactly what she wants. The businessmen who own the sugar mill arrive and cram beignets into their horse costume while they deliver the news that Tiana has been outbid. She has until Wednesday to top the other guy.
TIANA: You know how long it took me to save that money!
MR. FENNER: Exactly! Which is why a little woman of your… background would have had
her hands full trying to run a big business like that. You’re better off where you’re at.
Why, you greedy racist elitist chauvinist assholes.
Tiana tries to stop them but crashes into the table of food, which gets all over her. Charlotte comes over to collect beignets to feed her prince, and proves her heart of gold by pressing pause on her plans and collecting her friend to fix what she can. “Oh, Prince Naveen! We’ll be right back, sugah! [to Tiana] I’ve got just the dress for ya.” They go up to her bedroom. Dear Lottie’s animators, I love you. This girl is literally never still. Even in the rare moments when she’s standing still, both feet planted on the ground, some other part of her body is compulsively moving. Tiana emerges clad in a sparkling blue dress. Charlotte: “Look at you! Oh, aren’t you just as pretty as a magnolia in May! Seems only yesterday we were little girls, dreaming our fairytale dreams. And tonight they’re finally coming true. Well! Back into the fray!” She races back downstairs and Tiana stares at her Tiana’s Place picture, heartbroken. She goes out to the balcony and sees the evening star. “I cannot believe I’m doing this. Please, please, please,” she whispers. Suddenly—there’s a frog on the rail. She gasps, then purses her mouth. “Very funny,” she drawls. “So what now?” she asks the frog. “I suppose you want a kiss?”
“Kissing would be nice, yes,” grins the frog. And THERE’S the scream.
She starts chucking stuffed animals at him. He manages to explain that he’s Prince Naveen of Maldonia. Then who is dancing with Charlotte? “All I know, is that one moment I am a prince, charming and handsome, cutting a rug—” the frog begins doing the Charleston here, which has me in gales— “and then the next thing I know, I’m tripping over these.” He glares at his
“I do not kiss frogs!”
He tells her that he’s handsome and his family is wealthy and he can give her a reward, the second part of which gives her pause for thought. Oh, Tiana. The things you will do to achieve your dream. Just one, he promises—“Unless you beg for more.” I cannot WAIT to watch her take him down a peg or twelve.
She lions up and kisses him. There’s a flash of light, and—Naveen is still a frog but Tiana has vanished. He looks for her. The blue dress is on the floor and something is moving around in the folds. It’s Tiana, and now she’s a frog, too.
“WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME? I’M GREEEEEN… AND I’M SLIMY—”
“No, it is not slime,” he comforts her. “You are secreting mucus.” That’s that straw that breaks the camel’s back, and she goes for his throat, which somehow manages to get them both shot out of the window and onto the drum set. The drummer tries to whack them, and when he speeds up, the rest of the musicians—our old street band friends—enthusiastically strike up a jazz tune. I love the ways this music has been inserted into all and any available moments in this movie. It’s especially funny since they’re dressed as knights.
The drummer launches the frogs into Charlotte’s dress, Mr. La Bouff pays a little tribute to Tennessee Williams and sics Stella (the dog) on them, FakeNaveen drops his wine glasses in shock, and the frogs make their way through the minefield that is the party. They grab onto balloons and float away, and Stella is so shocked to realize that Tiana is a frog that she falls over and catapults a cake onto the businessmen, which I find incredibly satisfying.
TIANA: Stella just talked to me! The dog just talked to me!
NAVEEN: You know, if you’re going to let every little thing bother you, it’s going to
be a VERY LONG NIGHT!
A scowling Dr. Creeper watches them sail off into the night. He tracks down FakeNaveen, who is examining a glass jar and its lid with a “Oh dear” that is distinctly the Gorilla’s voice. “How did I ever get tangled up in all this voodoo madneth? I can’t go through with this!” Lawrence yanks off the amulet around his neck and instantly pops back into his old body. “You wear it!” He throws it at the creeper, who flips out. “CAREFUL WITH THAT! ANYTHING HAPPENS TO THIS, I’M GONNA BE—” Facilier recovers himself. It seems that as a voodoo worker, the creeper can’t conjure anything for himself. Besides, the real power in this world isn’t magic—“It’s money!” He points to a portrait of Mr. La Bouff. Oh look, another theme. Creeper reminds Gorilla that he’s entitled to so much more than he’s ever received. Gorilla is convinced. He puts the amulet/Naveen’s body back on. I feel so sorry for Charlotte right now—how excited she was when she said “Did you see the way he danced with me?” She wants him so that she’ll be a princess, but she’s so ready to embrace the romance that she’s sure accompanies it. Only neither of the Naveens want Charlotte for anything but her money.
“Voodoo?” shouts FrogTiana. “You mean to tell me this all happened because you were messing with the Shadowman?!” He has a[nother] nickname! Naveen: “He was very charismatic!” If there was a wall around, she’d be smashing her head against it. “Augh! It serves me right for wishing on stars. The only way to get what you want in this world is through hard work!” This, pointedly, at Naveen. He: “Hard work? Haha. Why would a princess need to work hard?”
They fight about her not telling him that she’s a waitress. “You spoiled little rich boy!” We’re starting the romantic tension strong with these two. He’s delighted to tell her that he is completely broke—“Ahaha!” Yes, revengefully crushing another’s dreams is sweet. The balloons burst and the frogs fall into the swamp. Begin minefield #2—leeches, catfish, herons all come charging after them, and somehow they manage to keep arguing the whole time about who told the more despicable lie: not a princess or totally broke. He tells her his plan to marry Charlotte because she's rich. And then he’ll give Tiana her promised reward? “I made that promise to a beautiful princess, not a cranky wait—” And we’ve got alligators.
Naveen promises Tiana that if she helps him get out of the swamp, once he’s married to Charlotte he’ll give Tiana the money for her restaurant. She saves him from the gators and, after rejecting more of his advances, they spend the night hiding in a hollow tree.
An acorn come sailing into the tree and conks Naveen awake. GOOD MORNING!!! Tiana is already outside and has constructed a frog-sized raft. They need to get back to New Orleans and fix this. He plops down and starts twanging a makeshift stick-and-spiderweb mandolin. “I was not the one parading around with the phoney baloney tiara.” AW SNAP. They start off down the river. Guess which one is doing the rowing?
TIANA: I COULD use a little help.
NAVEEN: Oh! I will play a little louder.
An alligator maw emerges out of the water and suddenly a trumpet-playing bayou gator has joined the cast. His dream is to play jazz on the riverboats with the greats. Naveen is even more excited about Louis’s musical abilities than the fact that he is not going to eat them. They enthusiastically play a short duet and he tells Louis their story. “I am Naveen! Prince of Maldonia. And she is Tiana, the waitress. (whispering) Do not kiss her.” Louis flips out when he hears the word voodoo: “LIKE THE KIND MAMA ODIE DO?” She’s the ‘voodoo queen of the bayou.’ He refuses to take them to her. Naveen turns on his silver tongue. “Louis! It is too bad we cannot help you with your dream. If only you were smaller, less toothy. You could play jazz to adoring crowds without scaring them. Anyway,” Naveen chuckles, “enjoy your loneliness, my friend.” And that takes care of that. We ride through the bayou as Louis, Naveen, and Tiana sing about their plans for when they’re human. The plans are predictable: “I’m gonna blow my horn / I’m gonna live the high life / I’m gonna do my best to take my place in the sun.”
CAN I PLEASE LIVE IN LOTTIE’S GAZEBO? I don’t even need to live in the house. The gazebo will do splendidly. It’s in the middle of the huge pond full of lilypads and surrounded by oaks and Spanish moss, painted white with a red roof and purple wisteria everywhere, and there’s a little white bridge and SWANS. She’s talking to GorillaNaveen. He is so awkward. I ADORE her outfit, her flouncy red dress and her bracelets and her big hat and her cute little hairstyle.
Suddenly his ear pops out—Lawrence’s real one, not Naveen’s. It’s like the size of his whole head. “Oh, those pesky mosquitoes!” The same thing happened to my coworker’s son once. Charlotte laughs uncertainly. Turns out the blood in the amulet is running out, so its power is fading. He starts to propose and his butt swells up like a balloon. Then his face. Then the rest of his body. Charlotte, thrilled that she’s going to become princess of Maldonia, doesn’t notice. She prances away and the Shadowman appears. Because of Lawrence’s ineptitude, they will have to ask for help from those friends on the other side.
Tiana and Louis float along discussing food. As soon as Louis mentions red beans and rice, my mouth starts watering. I went to college in Georgia and I miss marvelous southern foods like red beans & rice and gumbo and jambalaya and shrimp & grits made right. I am not alone, as it turns out.
NAVEEN: You two are making me so very hungry.
A flock of mosquitoes passes by. His tongue inadvertently flicks at them.
NAVEEN: Interesting.
He jumps into the shallows.
TIANA: What are you doing?
NAVEEN: Shh! You are frightening the food.
He shoots his tongue at the skeeters again and succeeds in slapping himself in the head with it and getting it wrapped around his head. He chuckles. “This is harder than it looks.” Naveen may be a lazy playboy, but he sure is endearing.
Tiana’s tongue won’t cooperate either. One of the best things about this movie is the verbal inflections. “Oh, no! There is no way I’m kissin’ a frog, and eatin’ a buuug, on the same day.” The frogs both go after the same bug and Lady and the Tramp themselves into a literal tongue-tie. Louis decides the best way to fix this is with a sharp stick, and departs to find one.
A lightning bug comes along. This bug… man alive. He makes me think of an old rusty VW that might fall apart at the slightest gust of wind. His accent sounds less Cajun and more possible mental problem. And then he pulls out that stupid firefly joke about needing to tighten the shorting-out bulb that is his rear end. I can even stomach Louis (mostly) but the stellar cast lineup stops here.
The firefly proves helpful and extracts the frogs from their equally bad tongue-tangled joke. His name is Ray. OF LIGHT? Bah. Tiana is, once again, pleased to announce that the moron to her left got himself into this situation thanks to stupidly following a voodoo witch doctor. Ray also exposes Louis’s lack of directional sense (I sympathize—thank the Lord for GPS) and redirects the gang. The rest of the bayou lights up and the firefly masses perform a zydeco tune that makes me smile from start to finish. It’s cheery, it’s beautifully animated, and it also contains words our two warring amphibians desperately need to hear:
We all gonna pull together
Down here that’s how we do
Me for them and them for me
We all be there for you
DEAR TIANA AND NAVEEN, PLEASE TAKE NOTES. THERE WILL BE A TEST AND IT’S CALLED “LIFE LESSONS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, OH MY GOSH YOUR TUNNEL VISION STRESSES ME OUT.”The Shadowman doesn’t keep such pleasant company. It looks like he’s servant to some… masks… Well, anyway, he wants to get rid of Big Daddy La Bouff and be the one running New Orleans. This will give the Mardi Gras masks, which I assume are just portals for demons, access to the Nawlins inhabitants’ souls. Grinning monsterghost shadows shoot out of the mouth of the biggest mask. This does not bode well. Facilier sics them on his missing frog, and they race through the city and wow—this is getting creepy. I have to say that I really appreciate the fact that this movie doesn’t glaze over the horrors of voodoo.
Ray tells Tiana about the love of his life, Evangeline. He knows someday they’ll be together. Tiana finds this sweet; Naveen advises Ray to not settle down too quickly, which makes Tiana want to knock in his skull. Louis gets stuck by a pricker bush and Ray and I are in sympathy, for once. His Seriously? face and mine could be mirror images.
Momentarily, enter a family of backwoods frog hunters. Ah, accurate stereotypes! You warm my heart.
Naveen allows Tiana to hack a path through the bayou for him.
NAVEEN: You know, Waitress, I have finally figured out what is wrong with you.
TIANA: HAVE YOU NOW.
NAVEEN: You do not know how to have fun. There. Somebody had to say it.
TIANA: Thank you! Because I figured out what YOUR problem is, too.
NAVEEN: I’m… too wonderful?
She lets a branch snap back and it knocks him flat, which is too great. “No. You’re a no account philandering lazy bump on the log.” PREACH IT, GIRL. He coughs, “Killjoy. Stick in the mud.” Naveen, if she separates your head from your neck with that machete, I will not judge her in the least.
“Listen here, mister. This stick in the mud has had to work two jobs her whole life while you’ve been sucking on a silver spoon, chasin’ chambermaids around your—your ivory tower!”
“Actually, it’s polished marble.” Fittingly, Naveen is the first one the frog hunters catch. Louis, truly the brightest bulb in the box, jumps into a pricker bush out of fear. Ray, seeing Naveen in a net, flies straight into the hunter’s nostril and rearranges his head. He gets blown out in a mess of snot. Right as I’m on the brink of wanting to call Ray awesome, he pulls out the line “I think I done chipped my fav’rite toof.” Forget it.
Naveen is free but Tiana gets caged. The frog prince, thumbing his nose at the hunters, notices her plight and comes to the rescue. He hides under Pa Hunter’s hat, which is removed, making the Hunter Sons stare dumbfounded, then go after him with a club. The same basic idea applies to every subsequent step of the escape. It’s very entertaining. How it ends: frogs-1, hunters-0.
“‘And we talk, too!’ I like it. You are secretly funny.” Naveen and Tiana have their first bonding moment, which is a relief, seeing as we’re an hour into this movie and they have yet to speak to each other with anything other than put-downs. Ray announces that extracting prickers from Louis’s body is going to take a while. Tiana offers to make swamp gumbo to make Louis feel better. Naveen puts in his order for a “pre-dinner cocktail and, eh, something to nibble on.” Ahaha. Not. Tiana tells him to mince mushrooms. She goes okra(BLECH)-picking while he pokes rocks at mushroom heads (AGAIN: BLECH) and breaks a sweat hacking off one chunk. Returning, she pulls out some flashy mincing moves and then sweetly teaches him how to cut up a mushroom. The amateur is pleased to find that he can slice in straight lines. I wish I had even a fraction of Naveen’s eternal good humor.
NAVEEN: You know, I—I—I’ve never done anything like this before.
TIANA: REALLY?
NAVEEN: Haha. Alright. But when you live in a castle, everything is done for you! All the
time! They dress you, they feed you, drive you! Brush your teeth!
TIANA: Oh, poor baby.
NAVEEN: I admit it was a charmed life until, the day my parents cut me off and suddenly
I realized… I don’t know how to do anything.
This makes her pause.
TIANA: Well, you got the makings of a decent mushroom mincer.
NAVEEN: Oh, you think so?
TIANA: Keep practicing, and I just might hire you.
NAVEEN: Really!
TIANA: No.
NAVEEN: Aw! Come on! What was that, that was below the frog belt!
YOU GUYS. SHE’S GIGGLING. HE’S TOTALLY FLIRTING. THEY’RE SHARING PERSONAL DISAPPOINTMENT AND OFFERING POSITIVE REASSURANCE INSTEAD OF BEING POMPOUS AND OUTRAGED. This is so wonderful.
And now that that’s solving itself, we of course get to deal with some fast-approaching shadow monsters.
The gang is happily eating swamp gumbo when Ray spots Evangeline. Everyone’s excited to meet her—where is she? Ray’s like, How can you miss her? Evangeline is a star. No one really knows how to react to this, as Ray is under the delusion that she’s a firefly. Ray sings a little love ditty about her, and Naveen grabs Tiana to waltz with her. She hops away in a split second. “Oh no—I don’t dance. I’ve never danced.” He looks confused, then smiles. “If I can mince, you can dance.” This might be my favorite line in the whole movie. At the song’s end, right as Naveen is about to kiss Tiana—slightly strange to witness, seeing as they’re both still FROGS—she stops him with a reminder about marrying Lottie. Welp, time to go!
He stares after her, disappointed, when one of the shadow monsters grabs his shadow and drags him away. The shadows are stopped by bolts of light shot by Mama Odie herself. “Not bad for a 197 year old blind lady! Now, which one of y’all naughty chillun been messing with the Shadowman?” And we are back on track with the levels of character awesomeness. This woman is totally nuts. She lives in a ship in a tree, uses a python as a walking stick, makes jokes at the frogs’ expense, and cooks gumbo in a bathtub. Then she writes them up for thinking what they want is the same thing as what they need, which makes me GLOW with happiness, because FINALLY. “Prince Froggy is a rich little boy, you want to be rich again. That ain’t gonna make ya happy now, did it make ya happy then? NO! Money ain’t got no soul, money ain’t got no heart. All you need is some self-control. Make yourself a brand new start!” We watch Naveen realize that what he truly wants is Tiana, which is adorable. Excuse me while I go hang colored bottles from every tree within a 50-foot radius of my house.
MAMA ODIE: Well, Miss Froggy? Do you understand what you need now, child?
TIANA: Yes. I do, Mama Odie! I need to dig a little deeper and work even harder
to get my restaurant!
Everyone groans. You probably groaned. I know I did.
The magical bathtub of gumbo reveals that Charlotte is a princess, because her father is King of the Mardi Gras parade. It only counts until midnight, when Mardi Gras ends. I love this amalgamation of random fairytale elements. If Lottie kisses Naveen, both frogs will become human again. The frogs dash off to get back to the city by midnight.
Louis (who Mama Odie won’t turn human) comes up with an idea for faster travel: a riverboat. Since it’s Mardi Gras, everyone thinks he’s in a gator costume—which is perfect, because they invite him to play with the jazz band. And we can put a checkmark next to Gator Dream. Naveen finds some wire and a white Mardi Gras bead and makes it into a ring, which he puts into a tiny nutshell holder. He starts talking to Evangeline. “Why can’t I just look Tiana in the eye and say—I will do whatever it takes to make all your dreams come true, because… because I love you.” Ray has a slight problem with this apparent proposal to his star, but is thrilled to hear that Naveen has feelings for his froggy companion. Naveen, for his part, is suddenly very focused and determined. “I can no longer marry Miss Charlotte La Bouff. I will find another way to get Tiana her restaurant. I’ll get a job! Maybe two. Maybe three.” He looks like he welcomes the opportunity to work for her happiness. Ray: “You’re going to be so happy together! You’re gonna have the cutest little tadpoles!”
Naveen takes Tiana to dinner “to celebrate our last night together as frogs.” He’s set it all up—top of the riverboat, candlelight, a black moth faux bowtie (Beau: “I thought it was a nice touch”), and a minced main course. Everything is perfect and then he screws it all up. What not to do when you’re about to propose:
1. Mention having dated thousands of women
2. Call your intended “practically one of the guys”
3. Drop all the food on top of yourself
He pulls out the nutshell but before he can pop the question, Tiana sees the sugar factory across the river. She describes her whole vision, her dreams, her father’s dreams, and (bum bum bummm) how happy she’ll be tomorrow when those dreams come true with Naveen’s help (Charlotte’s money)—or she might lose the place forever.
Consider the proposal cancelled.
“Tiana, I love… the way you light up when you talk about your dream. A dream that, it is so beautiful, I –I promise, I will do whatever it takes to make it come true.” He walks away sadly, carrying the nutshell. Btw, turns out he’s been playing a ukulele this whole time, not a mandolin. She watches him go sadly, then spills everything to Evangeline. “I’ve always been so sure of what I wanted, but now I … what do I do? Please tell me.” Why does everyone act like this flaming ball of gas has a Masters in counseling?
And fifteen feet away, the shadow people are back. Guess who they finally managed to catch.
Lottie bangs on the door to the guest cottage. The Gorilla, wholly himself again, manages to stall her. In the nick of time, the shadows return with their prize. With Naveen’s blood, Lawrence is able to steal his form again.
The boat docks and Louis leads a parade of musicians. Tiana can’t find Naveen. Ray is easily persuaded to spill the beans of Naveen’s intention to marry Tiana instead of Lottie, news which thrills Tiana. She goes racing through the parade crowd to find the Le Bouff float. “He was trying to propose! That’s what all that fumbling was about! And here I thought all he wanted was to marry a rich girl! [to Ray] You just keep your eyes out for the biggest, gaudiest float with the Mardi Gras princess about to kiss herself a—[gasps] a—a frog.” Tiana has found the float. On top of a huge wedding cake, Naveen is human again and he’s about to marry Charlotte. Ray sensibly points out that this can’t be right, because Tiana is still a frog; but Tiana is gone.
He finds her in the cemetery. “I know what we seen with our eyes, but, mmh, if we just go back there, we gonna find out your fairy tale come true.” She: “Just because you wish for something doesn’t make it true.” He: “Oh, but—It’s like my Evangeline always said to me—” Tiana lashes out with the desire to hurt of the deeply hurt. “Evangeline’s nothing but a star, Ray! A big ball of hot air a million miles from here! Open your eyes, now, before you get hurt.” She hops away and Ray’s eyes well up. “She just speaking out a broken heart. That’s all that is. Come on, Evangeline. We gonna show chere the troof!” A round of applause for Ray, please, everybody, even if he is irritating. Not just for that first speech about what we mis-see with our eyes, but for being a consistent friend to this whole motley crew.
Back at the parade, FrogNaveen is locked in a box, watching the ceremony and unable to stop it. The Shadowman is waiting for FakeNaveen and Lottie to kiss, which is when he’ll kill Mr. La Bouff with his voodoo doll. Ray discovers FrogNaveen and pops the lock. The frog jumps for the amulet, and he and FakeNaveen fall off the float.
FAKE: I just need a moment to compose myself!
CHARLOTTE: CHEESE AND CRACKAS!
The Naveens enter a church. The Shadowman follows them and orders Gorilla back onto the cake. FrogNaveen uses the distraction to grab the amulet. Ray takes off with it, and the Shadowman whistles for his
The shadows find Tiana, who warns them to back off or she’s pulling an Anastasia (cross-animation studio reference, guys. I totally have this under control) on the amulet. The Shadowman uses his purple powder to turn her back into a human—and not just any human. She’s the version of herself she was singing about in the crumbling sugar mill, and she looks amazing. The purple powder builds the restaurant of her dreams around her. It’s BEAUTIFUL. She stares at everything, until she sees the back of a man playing the mandolin and her face lights up. He turns around—it’s not Naveen. I am very proud of Tiana and this revealing moment.
The Shadowman tells her it can all be hers if she hands over the amulet. He reminds her of how much she sacrificed to get even this far. Of all the people who insulted her and her dream. Of her father, whose dream never made it past a busted up gumbo pot and a crowd of people on the back porch. SHE, however, can give her father everything he wanted.
“My daddy never did get what he wanted.” SAY ‘BUT HE HAD WHAT HE NEEDED’! SAY ‘BUT HE HAD WHAT HE NEEDED’! “But he had what he needed.” AWWWW YEAH. “He had love! He never lost sight of what was really important! And neither will I!” She throws the talisman at the ground BUT! the shadows catch it before it lands. Dang it. The restaurant vanishes and Tiana is a frog again. The Shadowman pauses to mock her froggy future… and she shoots out her tongue and snatches the amulet out of his hand, then THROWS it at the ground where it SMASHES INTO A GAZILLION PIECES. And then gets out of sight quick as the Shadowman’s friends on the other side show up to make him pay the piper. He’s dragged into hell in a truly frightening spectacle. Moving right along… the clock begins striking midnight.
Charlotte is hammering furiously at the church doors. “Prince Naveen! Your shy and retiring bride-to-be is getting antsy!” She barges in and finds Lawrence, the sight of whom would make anyone scream, and he flees the building. FrogNaveen presents himself and gets clobbered with a hymnal.
Outside, Mr. La Bouff is directing the police to cart Gorilla away while Lottie sits on the church steps and absorbs what the frog has just told her. He watches the seconds tick by.
CHARLOTTE: Let me see if I got this right. If I kiss you before midnight, you and
Tiana’ll turn human again. And then we’re gonna get ourselves married, and live happily
ever after. The end!
NAVEEN: More or less. But remember. You must give Tiana all the money she requires
for her restaurant. Because Tiana… she is my Evangeline.
Tiana arrives in time to overhear this. Charlotte puts on a fresh coat of lipstick and princess and frog pucker up, but Tiana stops them.
TIANA: I won’t let you.
NAVEEN: It’s the only way to get you your dream!
TIANA: My dream? My dream wouldn’t be complete without you in it.
Naveen’s face is a sight to see.
Charlotte, who is crying and has got enough warm feelings for everybody left unmoved by this exchange, announces, “All my life I read about true love and fairytales, and Tia… you found it! I’ll kiss him. For you, honey. No marriage required.” She’s too late. The clock strikes midnight and the frog stays as he is. Charlotte is so sorry. Naveen, being Naveen, looks at Tiana and smiles slightly, like, worse things have happened. I know this is kind of a downer moment but I love it. Look at all these wonderful people who love each other ready to make and/or making huge sacrifices for each other. Tiana loves Naveen, so she gives up her dream of her restaurant, so that he doesn’t have to marry a woman he doesn’t love. Naveen loves Tiana, so he gives her up, the thing he wants the most, in order to give her that which he think she wants the most; he already decided on the boat to leave behind the old Naveen and get a job, etc. for her. Not only that, they’re willing to give up their human lives in order to be with each other – warts and all. Lottie loves Tiana, so she gives up her dream of marrying a prince so that Tia can marry the man she loves. The right kind of sacrifices. Love-you-more-than-myself sacrifices.
Louis comes running up with Ray in his hands. It is not even believable that Ray is still in one piece. The Shadowman STEPPED ON HIM. He approves of Tiana and Naveen’s life choices, and dies. The glow fades. It starts to rain. I’m probably supposed to be paralysed with tears over this, but all I can think of is how when I was little, my sister and I used to run around outside and catch lightning bugs—excuse me, fireflies—and bring them to my dad, who would wait until the bug lit up and then pinch off the glowing butt and stick it to our fingers, like a fluorescent ring. It was a lot of fun. To those of you who now think me merciless, allow me to direct you to Wikipedia’s firefly page, which describes the pattern of flashes a female firefly uses to attract a male, and then eats him upon arrival.
I am not sad that the annoying bayou lightning bug is dead. But I appreciate the fact that even a little firefly gets the dignity of a huge funeral (there are no small people, just small bodies). A light shines above the crowd. Amazing! There’s another star up there by Evangeline. Hooray. Kind of odd.
NOW: the part we’ve all been waiting for. It’s a bayou wedding! Mama Odie is officiating. “I now pronounce y’all frog and wife.” Naveen is wearing a small white butterfly bowtie. Heh. When they kiss, golden light starts to shoot around. They’re human! And so absorbed in the kiss that it takes them a minute to realize it. When Naveen married Tiana, he made her a princess; when a princess kissed the frog, it made him (them) human. That worked out conveniently. Now that you think about it, it's really obvious, of course.
And—it’s also a church wedding! There’s Eudora. There’s the La Bouffs. There’s Naveen’s not-surprisingly attractive parents. His dad looks like a Persian Laurence Olivier.
At the realtors’ office, the down payment is made; an alligator helps cinch the deal. Naveen and Tiana roll up their sleeves (how cute are they, with their rolled up sleeves) and remake the building into Tiana’s Palace. The Firefly Five Plus Lou are the musical entertainment, and Naveen often jumps up there to join the fun. Family and friends are there, and cars are lined up for miles around. There’s also dancing—
CHARLOTTE: Who would have thought that the prince would have had a
younger brother! … Er, how old did you say you were?
BOY: I’m six and a half!
CHARLOTTE: Well—I waited this long!
We go out on a “dreams do come true” song, a husband-and-wife dance on the roof, and a big smile on my face.
It’s over!
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