Summary: A power-hungry sorcerer transforms a princess into a swan by day in this tale of everlasting love. - Imdb.com
Length: 90 minutes
Rating: G
Date of Original Release: 1994
Director: Richard Rich
Writers: Richard Rich, Brian Nissen
Art Directors: James Coleman, Mike Hodgson
Music: Lex de Azevedo
Cast
ODETTE – Michelle Nicastro (sung by Liz Callaway)
DEREK – Howard McGillin
ROTHBART - Jack Palance
JEAN-BOB – John Cleese
SPEED – Steven Wright
PUFFIN – Steve Vinovich
KING WILLIAM – Dakin Matthews
QUEEN UBERTA – Sandy Duncan
ROGERS – Mark Harelik
BROMLEY – Joel McKinnon Miller
CHAMBERLAIN – James Arrington (sung by Davis Gaines)
Plot & CommentaryWe open our story in a castle hall with (who I thought was but according to the cast list is not) Derek narrating. King William is handled a bundle of pink and smiles like all his life’s problems were just solved. He holds up the bundle to the crowd below and apparently all their problems are solved too. The princess is named Odette.
Tiny Prince Derek, son of Queen Uberta, dangles a locket in front of Tiny Odette, who (while cute) irksomely looks like she’s a shrunken twenty-year-old version of herself. Uberta and William have simultaneous Eureka moments and decide that by means of forced proximity their children are going to fall in love. When I was born my parents tried this too, with another couple whose son I think I’ve spoken five words to over the course of my whole life. Good luck with that, William and Uberta.
Evil Enchanter Rothbart wants to use the Forbidden Arts to take over William’s kingdom. He stands in front of a color-emitting cauldron, ready to launch his assault. William’s soldiers barge in and capture him. Instead of executing him, William only has Rothbart banished. That was probably a bad decision. Especially since, to the instrumental tunes of foreshadowing, Rothbart says, “I’m not finished with you yet, Willie. Someday I’ll get my power back, and when I do, everything you own, everything you love, will. Be. Mine.” Everyone promptly forgets about Rothbart.
A small fat man chuckles while dangling from a spire and runs circles around it in more than just a slightly maniacal way, announcing the arrival of King William and Small Odette. The movie provides me with my first laugh, as the small fat man blows a trumpet and shoots a shrieking bird, complete with nest and eggs, across the screen. William and Uberta shove their children at each other in the most awkward way possible. Small Derek is less than thrilled about being alive today. Odette has been taught manners and manages to curtsey while Derek stomps away from her, but she’s just as disgusted as he is when he has to kiss her hand. Singing Voiceover Small Derek launches into a plaintive wail about having to play with a girl all summer—and I do feel for him, because I have young male relatives and I know that for a small boy this truly is a tragedy. Odette one-ups him by showing her fists. You go, girl. The first words we get to hear from her are “He looks conceited,” which will prove accurate for most of this song. “This is not my idea of fun,” they declare. Odette wipes the floor with Derek in a wooden sword fight and Uberta and William congratulate themselves on their success. Isn’t this a little premature? Also noteworthy: I wouldn’t mind living in Uberta’s castle.
Larger Odette is a true vision of pre-adolescence, with acne and bad hair. Larger Derek has a pretty accurate drawing of her on the wall, which he shoots arrows at. He seems to have been granted a free pass through the awkward stage Odette is currently trapped in, and has also found a friend, a true gem of a boy who shoots a tomato at Odette when she arrives. They pull a Calvin & Hobbes on her, running away and locking her out of their treehouse—which collapses on all of them when she kicks out the support beam. William and Uberta are not pleased with their bruised and broken offspring.
Country folk and castle support staff sing about the fact that the only thing Derek and Odette agree on is that they dread summertime. In their respective castles, both are absorbed in reading a book while it snows outside. I take that to mean that they have things in common but refuse to acknowledge it. Then it’s summer, and William is pulling a resisting Teen Odette out of their carriage while Uberta orders Teen Derek out of the tree he’s climbed. Odette is now quite lovely. Derek, still looking like all prior versions of himself, is just larger. “She’s always flirting with the castle guards,” he complains, while his odd-nosed friend hints that Derek really sorta likes her. How long is this song? Odette caps her string of victories from this visit with a tomato shot at a Derek. The townspeople are excited about this wedding because they’ll get a day off work and, hopefully, lower taxes.
William and Uberta are freaking out. What if their kids—shocker here—don’t want to marry each other? Final Version Derek & Odette, all dressed up, resist being pushed and pulled through the castle and courtyard for their annual visit. They’re locked into a room together. “He’s so immature,” sings Odette, and then they turn around and each gets a good look at the other. “I see him smiling and my knees start buckling. I see inside him and my doubts are gone,” Odette sings. That happened fast. “She started out as such an ugly duckling, then somehow suddenly became a swan,” sings Derek, so: let’s all take note of the swan shoutout, and two, Odette’s immature/shallow assessment still applies. Still, this is a very cute end to the song. If, indeed, the song is over. Which it isn’t. “This is my idea…” sings Odette. “This is my idea…” sings Derek. Uberta and William burst into the room to take the credit: “What a good idea! Such a charming and romantic notion!” Now they’re throwing a party. Derek and Odette dance together and the room fades away. They inform us that this is exactly their idea of love and end the song—is it really ending? REALLY? Are we sure because I don’t want—yes, okay, it’s over. They end with a sweet kiss and Derek shouts, “Arrange the marriage!”
But wait! Odette isn’t sure. Derek doesn’t understand why not. And then we get this stellar exchange:
DEREK: You’re all I ever wanted. You’re beautiful!
ODETTE: Thank you. But what else?
DEREK: What ELSE?
ODETTE: Is beauty all that matters to you?
WILLIAM: [coughing—in other words, Stop, which to her credit Odette ignores]
UBERTA: [anxiously] Derek? What else?
DEREK: I—ijjjhhh—What else is there?
The orchestra conductor honks a Wrong and thumbs-downs that answer. SERIOUSLY. DEREK! BAD!!! Uberta’s melodramatic crying is my favorite part of this movie so far. Odette looks completely crushed. As well she might. What a jackass!
William and Odette leave. Why didn’t Derek ever go to Odette’s place for these summers? She looks sad. He still doesn’t get it, and says goodbye the way someone might who doesn’t know how to fix what he broke. She continues to look sad. He looks pretty devastated too—and then stubborn again. DEREK, YOU MORON. THIS IS THE MOMENT YOU WILL REGRET FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, even more than the original screwup one! You want her! Go get her! This is your chance to make it right! Ohhh, my word, man, get a clue!
Uberta: “Alllllllll these years of planning. WASTED!!!!”
Derek and friend play chess as Rogers, the orchestra conductor, lectures Derek on his lack of romantic finesse. “You should write a book. How to Offend Women in Five Syllables or Less.” Derek didn’t know what else to say. Of course he sees more than her beauty, though! “She’s like—you know—how about—and then… I mean, right?” which gets a full round of raised eyebrows and a snort from me. Since Derek doesn’t know how to say it, he decides to prove his love. Oh, this is going to be good.
Rothbart is on the road! Accompanied by thunder and lightning. He repeats his previous threat to the empty air. In the carriage, William proves that he’s cut from the same mold as Derek by asking Odette what else she wanted him to say. SERIOUSLY? She wants to know that Derek loves her for just being her. Outside, there’s a holdup; William, poking his head out, sees Rothbart. The Evil Enchanter throws some red light into the road and turns into a mean-looking giant bat.
A soldier opens a door and falls into the palace. Lucky for our plot, this is the same room where Derek is still playing chess. The prince recognizes King William’s captain and freaks out when he hears they were attacked. “Odette!” Off he runs to prove his love! Too bad he had to play just one more chess game instead of riding after her fifteen minutes ago!
At the site of the attack, he finds Odette’s gold locket in a puddle and King William dying by a tree.
“It’s not what is seems,” raves William, and dies after telling Derek that Odette is gone. Derek screams Odette’s name and falls to the ground. This is not turning out to be the best day for him.
Somewhere hidden and lovely, a hag is feeding a swan. Water swirls around the swan and surprise! it’s Odette. Rothbart explains that when the moonlight touches her wings, she’ll become a human again. Oh, and she has to be on the lake. This news doesn’t exactly fill her with joy. Rothbart: “Look, Odette, this sort of thing doesn’t give me any pleasure. Well, maybe a teensy bit, but…” What he wants is Willam’s kingdom. She tells him to take it—he has the power. “Nah. Tried that already. Once you steal something, you spend your whole life fighting to keep it.” He wants to marry her so that he’ll be the legal king. Predictably, she’s not going for it. He informs her that she can’t leave the lake because she’ll turn back into a swan once the moonlight leaves the lake. This is an effective prison you’ve got going here, Rothbart. I can see a few holes, but on the whole, it’s working. Thumbs up.
Arrows are dumped into a quiver. Rogers: “The musicians are not happy.” Oh, I can’t wait for this. Derek says he has to practice. Rogers: “Oh, no complaints here. I think it’s going to be loads of fun!” Derek is confident that when he finds the Great Animal he will find Odette. Apparently they’ve been searching for her everywhere. How long is that in movie time, like two days? Rogers is not optimistic about Derek’s chances of success in this area. New fact: the odd-nosed friend is named Brom.
ROGERS: Animals! Assemble!
MUSICIAN: Lord Rogers, I must object! We are musicians!
ROGERS: The servants had the day off. We had to use someone.
MUSICIAN: But—I’m an artist! Not a boar!
ROGERS: [aside] Could have fooled me.
Rogers is officially my favorite character in this movie.
The musicians suit up and begin to sing an angry song about how humiliated they are. Rogers commands them to get down on all fours, please, and growl ferociously. They glare at him. “LIVEN IT UP A BIT!” The smallest musician, who is costumed as a rabbit (he’s even wearing bunny slippers), ROARS. Rogers: “Not you! Wesley, you’re a r-r-r-r-abbit! For heaven’s sake.” Second major laugh on my end.
This is basically paintball, only with arrows and colored powder. Derek and Brom get busy chasing the musicians/animals. Derek is clearly the superior shot; Brom resorts to cheating. The court, taking tea, informs us that all Derek does anymore is practice. “Thinking of her and the way that it was…” [for six seconds]. Derek wins the game. Brom tells him that he’s a great marksman, but it also takes courage. Rogers, rolling his eyes, suggests a round of Catch and Fire. Brom is horrified. Turns out Catch and Fire is a William Tell-esque game where Player 1 (Brom) shoots an arrow at Player 2 (Derek), who has to face the other way and catch it and shoot it back at the apple attached to Player 1’s head. Megan, I'm sensing a new activity for the next sunny day we both have free. Thankfully Derek excels at this game and Brom lives on.
At Swan Lake, a turtle essentially informs a frog that he’s the biggest moron of all time. The frog is preparing to launch himself across an alligator-infested moat to get flowers for Odette, who will (surely) then kiss him and he’ll turn into a prince. The frog’s name is Jean-Bob and he has a French accent. He just entered the running for Favorite Character #2.
TURTLE: Mind if I point out a problem?
JEAN-BOB: I don’t take advice from peasants.
TURTLE: Suit yourself.
JEAN-BOB: Flowers. Kiss. Concentration.
TURTLE: Just curious. How are you going to get back?
As you might expect, the plan does not go as… planned. Just in time, Human Odette shows up and saves the frog. She reminds him that in order to break the spell, she can only kiss the man she loves. And he—“Must make a vow of everlasting love, I know, I know!” Odette: “And prove it to the world!” Good thing Derek’s been practicing. She has an awful lot of faith in him. Hope that pans out. Jean-Bob: “What did you sink I was doing wiz ze flowers and ze alligators going CHOMP CHOMP?”
Odette sings that if she could break the spell, she would run straight to Derek, and somehow she knows he’s on his way to her. She then wanders around the lake singing “Far Longer Than Forever.” Wow! Back at the castle, Derek is singing the same song! It’s a very pretty song, and I think it was nominated for an award. It basically re-establishes the fact that Derek and Odette love each other, and their love will last (ahem) far longer than forever. It’s a shame Derek couldn’t come up with these lines eight scenes ago.
The lake dwellers watch as a puffin with an arrow through his wing crashes at their feet. Odette tends the wing. I’m not exactly sure what accent this bird is supposed to have. English? Scottish? Introductions all around—
TURTLE: Friends call me Speed.
JEAN-BOB: I have no friends, only servants. And they call me YOUR HIGHNESS.
Rothbart stops by. He dresses up the lake with sunshine and flowers. Odette still rejects his proposal. “I’ll die first!” Rothbart: “You’re really starting to bug me.” Odette looks agonized as the moon sinks and she turns back into a swan.
Uberta has a new plan. She’s hosting a princess ball, confident that one of them will capture Derek’s heart and make him forget that inconvenient blonde she spent years throwing at his head. Meanwhile, Derek has torn apart the library trying to decipher the meaning of “It’s not what it seems.” He solves it but forgets to tell us anything. Uberta shows up to make sure he’ll be around for the ball. But Mom! Kind of busy here—must save princess—kingdom—there’s a Great Animal—fit a haircut in there if I can— Uberta is crushed. “Please, Mother. Don’t do the lip thing.” He says he’ll be there, and asks her not to turn this into one of her beauty pageants. As soon as he’s out of sight, she starts giving orders to the Chamberlain that she wants this to be BIG. He starts banging his head against the floor. I’d like a gif of that.
Lt. Puffin and SwanOdette come up with a plan to steal a map from Rothbart, because they want to find Derek and lead him to the lake. Everyone then sings the most annoying song ever created, called (I assume) “No Fear.” Long story short, they succeed.
Derek reveals that he has figured out that the Great Animal is an animal that can change its shape, like a mouse becoming a dragon. “A harmless creature approaches, then suddenly, it’s too late!” Brom watches a bumblebee nervously.
At the lake, Jean-Bob apologizes for his selfishness and asks SwanOdette to kiss and make up. Puffin readies the troops and he and SwanOdette fly off to find Derek, who…
… is in the woods with Brom, hunting for the Great Animal. I feel like this can’t end well. Brom shoots at a dragonfly and the arrow flies off-course and nearly takes out the puffin and swan flying above the forest. Odette hears Brom shouting for Derek and has a coronary. “HE’S HERE!” She plunges into the forest to locate her armed fiancé, who’s busy doing some ninja rolls across the harmless forest floor. She finds him, but he thinks she’s the Great Animal and nearly sends an arrow straight into her heart. Lt. Puffin saves her and they fly away. Puffin is happy to see that Derek is following them.
PUFFIN: Slow down!
ODETTE: He’s too close!
PUFFIN: Too close! He can’t even see us anymore, let alone—
[an arrow nearly takes off his bill] Speed up, girl. Hoo! That boy of yours can move!
They fly towards the sun in order to blind Derek, which only works so long since the sun is setting, and race off to the safety of the lake. Jean-Bob uses fireflies to guide their landing. Haha. Derek arrives at the lakeshore and is understandably confused. A sliver of crescent moon starts to rise. SwanOdette chickens out (heh) because she thinks if she comes out of hiding he’ll shoot her, but gets her courage talked back into her. She lands on the moonlight of the lake, and CLOUDS COVER THE MOON! Derek shoots at SwanOdette, Puffin saves her life again, Derek shoots at Puffin, the clouds move, water swirls, and—she’s human! Derek drops his bow and runs through the water to her. They share a happy spin-you-around reunion.
She tells him he has to leave; he disagrees. “I’ll never let you out of my sight again!” Rothbart chooses this opportune moment to come calling—he’s shouting for Odette somewhere out of sight. She quickly tells Derek the basics of how to break the spell (punctuated by Rothbart screaming her name repeatedly). Derek’s all CHALLENGE ACCEPTED and decides the way to prove his love to the world is to make a vow at the ball tomorrow night. She promises to be there. He tosses her locket to her and vanishes. Enter Rothbart.
ROTHBART: I thought I heard… voices.
JEAN-BOB: [croaking] Odette. Odette.
To distract him, she tells him she’ll be his queen. He’s thrilled… then pulls out Derek’s bow. The lie didn’t work. Rothbart heard the whole conversation, and takes the locket away from her. “If you want to stop me, you’ll have to kill me,” says our defiant heroine. “No. I don’t think so,” is his reply, which is never a good start to an answer from a villain. “You’re forgotten one very important thing. Tomorrow night there is—no—moon.” He bursts into laughter and she bursts into tears.
Rothbart congratulates himself, but is mildly concerned about the issue of Derek. He decides to trick Derek into making his vow to the wrong woman by making the hag look like Odette; when Derek makes his vow to the wrong person, the real Odette will die. Rothbart will take care of Derek himself, and then the kingdom is his for the taking. “I love it! I mean—this is really classy. This—is me!” And then he sings a jazzy song about his plans and how great he is.
A very chipper Derek arrives home to find Uberta preparing for the ball. She has red roses stuck all through her enormous hair. He wants white roses—like swan. He sends back the food—“Would you feed this to a swan?” He stops Rogers, who is practicing with the orchestra—he wants music that is soft and graceful. Like a swan. “You ever seen a swan, Rogers?” He makes his hand bite at Rogers’s shirt like a goose beak. Huge laugh #3. Rogers fights off the swan hand with his conductor’s wand. Derek: “If you could play a swan, what would it sound like?” Rogers motions to the tuba player, who plays one loud honk. Rogers nearly keels over with laughter, as do I. “Soft, and graceful, Rogers,” says Derek. He wants to know where Brom is; no one knows. Who is going to be his best man? he wonders. Uberta nearly faints from happiness at hearing these words. Rogers begins playing the instrumental version of “Far Longer Than Forever.” I’m relieved to finally learn what a swan really sounds like.
Rothbart drops red roses into the watery prison he’s stuck SwanOdette in. She pecks them apart viciously. Talk about your not-so-passive-aggressive. Rothbart pretends to be contrite. He can’t leave her like this—“If you’re not happy, I’m not happy.” He’ll bring the ball to her, he says. She’ll need a young man. Enter Brom, who they found wandering in the woods. They drop him into the water. Rothbart: “I’d love to stay but if I don’t leave now, I’ll be late. That’s tacky.” Odette is mad, which makes him madder. Well, don’t let the grate hit you on the way—
The princesses start arriving for the
Puffin devises a plan to break into the dungeon to save Odette. Jean-Bob, who I’ve realized reminds me slightly of my grandfather, is not gung-ho about this, primarily because it involves sending him into alligator waters. We begin to reprise “No Fear” and MERCIFULLY Puffin only gets one line in before the action cuts back the castle.
Young women sparkling with diamonds strut around to the rest of the song we started earlier. Derek looks hilariously out of his element. Song ends; there’s a KNOCK AT THE DOOR. The Chamberlain swears it must be the milkman. Wrong. It’s HagOdette in red and black. Uberta doesn’t recognize her. Neither does Rogers. SERIOUSLY? The girl only practically grew up IN YOUR HOUSE.
Puffin, Jean-Bob, and Speed begin their rescue mission. Jean-Bob has a boxer’s towel around his shoulders and Puffin is trying to convince him that this is going to work, which he’s not buying. Everything works out, of course—Speed and Jean-Bob get SwanOdette out of the dungeon while Puffin distracts the gators. Odette flies like the swan version of Usain Bolt to the castle.
Derek and HagOdette are dancing to the swan music. Derek: “Something about you seems… I don’t know… different.” The red and black gown from nowhere, perhaps? She holds up the I’m Legit locket and promises him everything is going to be fine. Derek tells Rogers to stop the music: he wants to make an announcement. SwanOdette arrives and sees HagOdette through the window. Derek starts to talk. I hope he drags this out.
Odette tries all the windows—no luck. HagOdette keeps tabs on RealOdette over her shoulder and makes sure Derek never sees the psychotic swan who is outside flinging herself at the windowpanes.
“As proof of my love to her, I make a vow to break all vows. A vow stronger than all the powers of the earth. Before you, and before the whole world.”
The cellar is locked! Even the gutters have grates on them! Is there no trust in this world?!?!
“I make a vow of everlasting love—”
“DEREK!”
“To Odette.”
“NOOOO!!!” screams the swan, and flies away. Rothbart arrives and all the windows and doors fly open. There’s some irony for you. Rothbart is still singing his song about himself. It’s almost endearing.
ROTHBART: Hello, little prince!
DEREK: Who are you?
ROTHBART: Went and pledged your love to another, eh?
DEREK: What are you talking about? This is Odette!
ROTHBART: No. Odette is mine.
DEREK: It’s YOU! You have no power here! I made a vow! A vow of everlasting love!
ROTHBART: [cackles] You made a vow, alright! A vow—of everlasting—death!
He shoots some red lightning at HagOdette, who turns back into herself—haha, Derek, psyche. He then points out the retreating form of SwanOdette, who will now die. Derek is galloping out of the castle before you can say Go. Rothbart laughs at him as he rides through the forest.
At the lake, everyone can tell something is wrong. Brom finds the hole in the dungeon wall and swims out. The animals watch the swan skim over the water. She barely manages to land on the ground. The body of the swan turns into the human Odette, so I guess this means she’s dead. Derek runs up and finds her body. He holds her and asks her to forgive him. Oh—she’s not dead yet. “Derek?” He’s overjoyed. She’s fading fast, though. He assures her she’ll live. “The vow I made was for you.” She knows. She loves him. She falls back. She’s dead. MAYBE. They’ve tricked us once already. My money’s on Odette dying at least four more times before this movie ends.
Derek is furious, shaking his fists and making a general uproar. “I made the vow for her! Do you hear? The vow I made was for herrrrrrrrrrr!!!”
“No need to shout!” Oh, hey, Rothbart. Odette’s charming prince looks ready to tear Rothbart apart, and tells him to bring her back to life since he’s the only one with the power to do it. Rothbart’s like, Sure, will do, if you can beat me. He turns into his Giant Bat form again. There’s a scuffle. GiantBatRothbart breaks Derek’s sword, so he has to resort to using rocks. Puffin remembers Derek’s bow. He grabs Jean-Bob. “Swim to the bottom of the lake and get the bow!” He balls up the frog and chucks him into the water. Jean-Bob: “WAAAAAAAAAA!” GiantBatRothbart plays cat and mouse with Derek, picking him up and flying him up high, dropping him, catching him, throwing him at trees, etc.
Speed helps Jean-Bob get the bow. They get it to Derek (who is unconscious, having just fallen out of a tree) and wake him up. GiantBatRothbart is descending for the kill. Unfortunately, in his rush to get to Odette, Derek forgot to grab any arrows. I would make a joke about portable arrows right now, but this is a very serious moment. Suddenly we hear an “Oh please.” It’s Brom! They play the fastest game of Catch and Fire EVER, Derek shoots the GiantBatRothbart, and it falls into the lake. Red lightning surges out of its body. Brom faints. The animals cheer. Derek, ever the killjoy, goes to Odette and starts apologizing again. “Forgive me, Odette. Forgive me. I only wanted to break the spell. To prove my love. I love you. Your kindness, and courage. I always have.” Since we all know what’s about to happen, I’m just going to go ahead and say it: TOO BAD YOU DIDN’T SAY THAT WHEN SHE ASKED THE FIRST TIME. Yes, I realize there wouldn’t be a movie if Derek had been verbally competent, but… I had to.
Odette lifts her head. “Derek?” She’s alive! Everyone is happy!
Wedding bells! I love their wedding clothes. Brom brags about himself to Rogers, who uses the shadow of Uberta’s hair to make Brom faint with fear. Heh.
Back at the lake—why?—there are people dancing inside the castle—what?—Jean-Bob presents himself for the kiss Odette apparently promised him. He’s wearing a tiny cape and crown. Odette kisses him and he stays a frog, but thinks he’s human again. He sees the reflection of a prince in the water; it’s the person standing behind him, which Jean-Bob believes is himself—because he’s actually managed to forget what he looks like, really?! He goes into the ballroom to schmooze and effectively turns the place upside down. “Haha! Ze ladies still fall for me.”
ODETTE: Would you like a kiss too, Speed?
SPEED: Naw. I’m happy as a turtle.
And we go out on a Derek-Odette moment: promises of love, a final kiss, and a shot of the lake.
It’s over!
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